Nothing could have prepared my family for the reaction that was about to happen inside of us on a Monday afternoon at a 2:30pm appointment.
It was 4:00AM the Sunday before and I awoke to: ” Kacie you ready!?” As it took a second for my eyes to adjust to the 600 watt light bulb that was in my face, in preparation for a nine hour road trip to CTCA Newman, Georgia. My mother was about to receive her CT Scan for the very first time after undergoing her 4th round of chemotherapy.
However, the week prier my mom has felt to what appeared to be a small mass or lump in her breast. So you can still imagine the fear and anticipation over Thanksgiving and what was about to begin a long road trip with all the thoughts and conversations of “what ifs”. Most of the trip there consisted of shutting my eyes tight and finishing prayers and starting new ones along the way…
“Have Mercy on my Soul”
repeated “Our Fathers” and “Hail Mary’s”
“please let us have good news for Christmas this year”
As my parents and I approached the lobby of the center I couldn’t help but think back of the sounds, smells and sights from each direction as it all immediately consumed me again.
Waiting in the waiting room for my mom to wrap up her scan, I couldn’t help but look around and realize how many people are fighting for their lives everyday, but not only realizing how many women overpowered the men at the center. I noticed the complete sadness and fear on their face.
One particular women sitting in a wheelchair across the waiting room from my dad and I, with her head down crying as her husband comforted her with tissues. Looking to my left, I then noticed a women walking with her head down leaving radiation.
In that moment I realized the significant of feeling their pain as I myself, walk with my head down everywhere I go and comforting my mother with tissues as if, I could hear their prayers and feel every emotion flowing through them.
“if it’s not you then you just don’t get it” – Pam Hennigan
Fast forward 2:30pm appointment and its show time. I kept my eyes focused on my mom and the rag on her head as she insist on wearing to cover as much skin as possible waiting for the doctor.
All of our minds racing.
Before we knew it, the doctor walked in with the report we were making ourselves sick over as she began to explain what a beautiful CT report she had …
“I have good news, your count is where I want it in the single digits,” – as she made my mom guess
No longer clenching to my chair, as I inhaled.
my mom began to say “33333333333.5”
The doctor begin to first explain the liver. There was no longer cancer what-so-ever in that pacific region of the body.
Scrolling on down to the pelvic and no signs of cancer detected.
My mom looking over at her and saying: what about the cancer in my neck and chest?
As the doctor is shaking her head –
That’s what chemotherapy is for Pam
My mom quickly jumped out of the chair and did the cabbage patch dance, arms swinging side-to-side and shaking her tail feathers, as the turned to her doctor and told her how “in love” she was with her as she jumped back in the chair to finish their discussion.
My numbers are so low does this mean I’m in the 10 percent of living longer?!
Yes ma’am as her doctor said: you’re going to have years and years. However, she can’t ever say at a 100 percent. Even though it comes back at 90 percent, this is today, where my mom is standing with high hopes.
They begin to briefly discuss the doctor at MD Anderson and everything he had told us …
At that moment her doctor spoke the words I will never forget.
And it went a little something like this …
“CANCER IS THE ENEMY- WE KILL IT”
“WE TAKE OUR BURN STICKS AND GET AFTER IT – SEARCH AND DESTROY”
After our visit and shaking our tail feathers we brought my mom to infusion and hooked her up for another round.
Traveling back in the wee hours, I couldn’t help but go back to finishing my prayers, starting new ones, as I looked out the dark window and prayed for the ones that get turned away from MD Anderson or any hospital for that matter.
please know that there is hope out in this world and your life doesn’t consist of going home to die.
Like a great and beautiful soul name Joey Fleek, told my mom: there are other options, change your insurance and never lose your faith. Wether it’s his will or not, fight until the end. Never relie on option A.
Run all the way through to Z!
Cancer is a journey filled with discovery and a purpose. This journey with my mother, I hope to encourage and speak of blessings over my family that cancer has created in such a deeper purpose of love.
To others I would say: chase after this! Your journey might be the road to CTCA to do the same.
ever since my mom has been in GA, I write this on the door of our room. “God is good, all the time” it’s the other half of my fish and if have ever been on an ACTs retreat you will understand my love for you and if not I in courage you to attend.