I’ve wanted to write about lent since it has started but haven’t had the words to say. Not knowing as much as I should and not wanting to say the wrong things, but this is what I feel and since blogging is all about your personal space and sharing your life with other, I’ve been thinking about the words and finally going to write what my heart feels. I believe you don’t have to set any certain times or days when it comes to blogging, with my blog if I feel it, I’m going to write it, when the words come, and I’m going to say them. So if you check my blog from time to time and its’ been a few days and you haven’t notice a new post lately, I’m only thinking of the words to say. Some days I may post every day others I may post on day four or day five, but I promise I’ll always have something stirring in the pot to read!
Just like any Catholic, we long for peace within our souls during every lent season, to renew our faith and understand more, to ask for forgiveness and start every year with merciful love, healing and holiness. I have had the opportunity this week to participate in our lent mission. I’m not going to lie, it has been absolutely wonderful and I love having those feelings that bring me back to my first ACT’s retreat. The lent mission has felt just of that, a little mini retreat for lent.
It all started for me this past Monday as I nervously waited for my turn in the confession line. The ability God gives the Priest for us to pour our sins and hearts out in the reconciliation room is a gracious gift from Him. Due to our sinful tendencies, we fall short of God and his expression of love to us. I mean, way, way short! Though-out the year of our life we come across all kind of sin and the devil has such a hold on at times. I mean sometimes the devil doesn’t want to get you higher in life, heck, sometimes he doesn’t even want to get you lower either, sometimes he just wants you to stay right where you are. Yep, that devil is one powerful dude.
I used to try to live my life by the kinds of inspirational quotes you would get off Pinterest.
– Follow your dreams
– Do what your heart wants
– Reach for the stars
But the only thing Jesus wants us to do is to follow him. At times, this can be a very hard path to follow, with people hurting your feelings, resentment, anger, depression … I always have thought I’m not good enough, I would never be free from the sins of my life and yes, I have felt very worthless. Following my heart has led to very bad and emotional times in my life. Call me crazy but as I’m getting older I’m finally growing and learning the paths I need to follow, not my heart. I guess we all kind of grow closer to God as we get older and realize HE is the only way we will get through life.
It wasn’t till this week a few things have been very clear to me. I’m using my own dreams and desires instead of seeking God’s, my motivating force and reason for being was to be happy. I thought that’s what we were called to do in life right? But once the things were gone or circumstances change, I’d be back to running on empty again, crying out to God at night to help me, to have mercy on my soul. When our hearts our empty we fill the voids with sinful additions or even worse thoughts of suicide, depression sets in and BAM the devil has you just right where you are.
This lent season for myself I’m not giving anything up but my dreams and I’m focusing more on the path God wants me to take. Whatever that is, HE will never fail me and I know he will forgive me just like he will forgive you. I encourage you to experience a confession and pendants. It’s such a beautiful thing.