I took these beautiful pictures at Dry Creek Camp in collaboration with Jocelyn Phillips Photography. It was a beautiful afternoon and the sun was shining perfectly through the trees. Surrounding myself with nature really made me feel a refreshing Zen. You see, I barely have any words to describe what I has been happening. The heartache, sadness, and anger that is surrounding me is nothing short of daunting, all while trying to properly decide what the next tentative step should be. Here is a little of what I’ve been feeling over the last couple of days …
1. With my mother … yesterday was an all-around horrible day and on top of everything else, my mother called saying that she has pneumonia. Do you know pneumonia kills you more than anything does and I’m scared. If you have a mother that is healthy, do not petty on the small stuff or take those moments for granite. I have put the blame on my mother’s cancer all on me for many years and Lord knows so many tears have spilled over the side of the floor thinking how things could have been differently. Dwelling on this has been a huge control in my life.
2. Me …. Every relationship is unique and every journey is fixing a broken heart is completely unlike any other which reminds me of this quote, “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need too – it’s not for them”. Every situation is different. Don’t judge the stereotypy of a title. Please.
3. Faith …. After feeling like having an out of body experience during tough times I do pray. I do love my faith and my Jesus. I am not a bad person. I’m not. I have a heart just like you and the next person I’m sitting beside. We all make mistakes. Every. One. Of. Us. Faith is one of the most important parts of my life I bleed for and one day I will be in fully Holy Communion with the Lord. I am not perfect and neither is my neighbors, but When you’ve exhausted the ‘woe is me’ stage, get your glad rags on, pamper yourself to distraction and surround yourself with the people you love and make you smile. You might be taking one step forward and three steps back but this isn’t only for your sake either, it’s for anyone else coming into your life too. You don’t want to hurt someone by not being ready to take that next step or ruin what could be the start of something amazing if you just give it a little more time.
4. Lifestyle … Like everything in life, it will get easier, just be kind to yourself, to others and take the time you need. I promise but please don’t compare, we are all humans.
5. Back to my mother … to any daughter that loves their mothers so deeply … I DO understand your pain, I DO understand what you are going through. Take some time for yourself.
Best Wishes and wanting to make everything better in time,
All pictures by Jocelyn Phillips Photography
Location Dry Creek Camp
Make Up Charlotte Tilbury